New Miranda-ized Dictionary

sigh

1. A deep and prolonged audible inspiration or respiration of air, as when fatigued, frustrated, grieved, or relieved; the act of sighing.

grr

1. A growl of anger or disappointment.

pfft

1. Used to signify sarcasm or disagreement

I have spent the last several days in a state of "sigh,grr,pfft" After realizing this, I started noticing that not only was I feeling "sigh,grr,pfft"... but I was renaming things because of it.

1. Maxi Pad - now renamed "Comfort Sucker" because, well, that's what it does.

2. Tampon - renamed "Comfort sucker on a stick" see #1

3. Wrist Brace - renamed  "stupid, friggin 2 by 4 strapped to my arm" no explanation needed.

4. Coffee - renamed "Life giving substance" (see don't these words just make more sense? I mean really... what does coffee actually mean?)

5. Our youngest cat Sora - renamed "ass-hat-cat" see pictures below

(Sora in our overhead kitchen light fixture)

6. Our older cat Adso - renamed "Mommy man-cat"  see pics below

 (Adso, grooming and protecting Sora while he slept on their "blankie")

 

7. Dollar Tree - now renamed "Cheap Man's Mecca" and a place I could spend my entire paycheck in one run.

8. Our 2 year old goldfish 'Memo' (yes I know it's Nemo, but Josh will fight you on that for hours) has been renamed "Dead Fish Swimming" due to the fact that he will.not.die. Seriously. The only time I clean his tank is when I literally cannot see him anymore.

(Note the green algae and stagnant water,
I think he actually likes it better this way)

9. Tolkien's 'Silmarillion' - now renamed "book from Middle-Earth Hell" considering I've been trying to read it for about 2 months now, and I'm not done yet. (It's never taken me 3 weeks to read a book before. Well, except the Bible)

10. Facebook - renamed "that place I HATE because my farm won't load and everybody else's facebook has updated but not mine and I can't do anything on there and I hate it!"

Sigh.            ......grrrrr.....           Pfft!