Everybody dies alone.

To my friend,

I used to think we were special to eachother. I used to believe we'd be friends, real friends, maybe even best friends - forever. Now, we never talk. When we see eachother, sometimes you smile and say hi... but that's usually about it.  You post about your "bff's" and "besties", pictures of you with your friends, while I sit here alone, so lonely, wondering why we aren't close anymore. Am I really that useless as a human, that I can't keep a friend? Every friend I've ever had has left me. The only friend I really have is my husband. He's the only one who hasn't given up on me, ever. Am I the person God picked to only have one true companion?

I'm being ridiculous. I know I am. I have other friends ... friends that I've had for years. Friend's that I know will never leave me, will always be there - have always been there, regardless of anything. The only problem? They all live hundreds of miles away. And, even though I may call them my best friend(s), they have someone else they call theirs. And that's ok, I understand why and I'm alright with that. But why am I the only one, it seems, that has no one, besides my spouse, to fill that role?

I know I'm dealing with some issues, and it's been a rough couple of years for me; physically and emotionally. I truly believe if I had a friend, living here close, someone I could talk to and share with and just.... be with, that it would have been easier. I think I would have recovered quicker, with less trouble. I honestly don't know what would have happened to me with Mr. Man in my life; to be my rock, my one support to lean on and help hold me together. I think I would have just given up. When I contemplate what my life these last few years would have been like without him, I realize that they wouldn't have been at all. I wouldn't have made it this far. I would have done myself in and been done with it.

I suppose there is a silver lining to every cloud, a rainbow after ever rain. Sometimes it's very hard to see it, but regardless, it's there. I may not have you in my life anymore, not the way I'd like you to be, but I do have friends. And maybe, just maybe .. without losing you, I wouldn't have really realized that.

~M

Mirapelo Art

So, I've finally opened up shop on Etsy. I'm both thrilled and terrified by the prospect of complete strangers seeing my artwork, but it's what I feel is the best way to begin this part of the Journey.

I seriously don't know what I'm doing; the painting, the shop, all of it - I'm going in blind, but I'm not alone. I'm backed up by my Father, supported on both sides by my husband and son, and cheered for on the sidelines by my friends. Now, if only I could scavenge a bit of confidence in myself...

New Miranda-ized Dictionary

sigh

1. A deep and prolonged audible inspiration or respiration of air, as when fatigued, frustrated, grieved, or relieved; the act of sighing.

grr

1. A growl of anger or disappointment.

pfft

1. Used to signify sarcasm or disagreement

I have spent the last several days in a state of "sigh,grr,pfft" After realizing this, I started noticing that not only was I feeling "sigh,grr,pfft"... but I was renaming things because of it.

1. Maxi Pad - now renamed "Comfort Sucker" because, well, that's what it does.

2. Tampon - renamed "Comfort sucker on a stick" see #1

3. Wrist Brace - renamed  "stupid, friggin 2 by 4 strapped to my arm" no explanation needed.

4. Coffee - renamed "Life giving substance" (see don't these words just make more sense? I mean really... what does coffee actually mean?)

5. Our youngest cat Sora - renamed "ass-hat-cat" see pictures below

(Sora in our overhead kitchen light fixture)

6. Our older cat Adso - renamed "Mommy man-cat"  see pics below

 (Adso, grooming and protecting Sora while he slept on their "blankie")

 

7. Dollar Tree - now renamed "Cheap Man's Mecca" and a place I could spend my entire paycheck in one run.

8. Our 2 year old goldfish 'Memo' (yes I know it's Nemo, but Josh will fight you on that for hours) has been renamed "Dead Fish Swimming" due to the fact that he will.not.die. Seriously. The only time I clean his tank is when I literally cannot see him anymore.

(Note the green algae and stagnant water,
I think he actually likes it better this way)

9. Tolkien's 'Silmarillion' - now renamed "book from Middle-Earth Hell" considering I've been trying to read it for about 2 months now, and I'm not done yet. (It's never taken me 3 weeks to read a book before. Well, except the Bible)

10. Facebook - renamed "that place I HATE because my farm won't load and everybody else's facebook has updated but not mine and I can't do anything on there and I hate it!"

Sigh.            ......grrrrr.....           Pfft!