Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Made It Myself!

Happy Tuesday folks! Today I wanted to show y'all something I made. Why? well, because I'm proud of it, and it makes me feel accomplished.

Last week I started using Pinterest. I know, I know... but it's cool. It's like tumblr for real people (not just fangirls and freaks) and I found this really neat idea -

 - a DIY rotating goals board! Wow, what an awesome idea ... I gotta try that! The original post is HERE. Well, I did. And I'll be honest here - I never do anything the way they say ya should, I have to do it my way. So, without further ado, I hereby present my very own Goals Board!

Isn't it neat? 
Here's what I did:
Post-it-Notes *hint: I pulled the post-it-note packs in half, so it wouldn't be too heavy for my cheap glue-stick work*, 2 pieces of paper for computer printouts (because as I'm sure you can see, I can't draw for my life) and (not quite 1/2) a black foam board from the Dollar Tree.  Ruler, pencil and an Xacto knife and some really old, cheap glue sticks. A little bit of measuring and some yarn, and Viola! 
Done and DONE.

If you make one yourself, please post a link to a pic in my comments section - I'd love to see how you made it your own!

Enjoy Today and God Bless!

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Quick, short and to the point

Just got back from my follow-up with Dr. W (who did my hysterectomy) All looks good, still not healed up but getting there. Another appt in 3 weeks.

Started taking Zoloft on Saturday 2/4/2012. Feeling alright, but already noticing some side effects that I don't love; jittery feeling, hair loss, headaches. But it's working well on the depression and that's ALL that matters.

So, I'm going to go pick up Da Boy from school and wait for Mr. Man to get home from work so I can finally be calm again. I'm beginning to realize that I don't like being home alone near as much as I used to - now I'm just lonely and jumpy and bored.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

I just want to forget.

I don't know... 
…how much I’m going to be around the next several days - might be ‘not at all’ might be ‘all the time’. I’m really struggling with some stuff and Facebook (anyone surprised here?) just really screwed my mind up. One of my ‘Christian’ friends (who has been unfriend-ed, I know it’s rude, but really I couldn’t help it) posted a picture… God, I don’t even know if I can bear to explain or type it out…. of an aborted baby, bloody, horrible, dead.

I just had a hysterectomy. They removed my uterus. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for almost 4 years, unsuccessfully, because of severe  endometriosis and adenomyosis. I am struggling very hard with my emotions and feelings because of this. I have not been able to cook raw meat, and I've barely been able to eat beef since I came home from the hospital. It grosses me out and makes me sick. Then about 30 minutes ago I saw the above stated post on facebook.

My depression is getting worse, I’m taking more pain pills than usual because I’m hurting more, but I’m not sure if those two things are actually connected or not. I’ll NOT be on FB for awhile, that I can tell you - but I don’t know about here or my tumblr.

I need to paint. I’ve started a new painting, but I’m hesitant to show it online because 99% of the time my paintings get ignored, and I honestly don’t think I can deal with that right now on top of everything else.

How do you unsee something? I need to know if there actually is a way. I  have finally stopped crying and only threw up once...so much for that casadilla . I feel like I’m dying on the inside and I don’t know how to stop. I feel so very very alone right now. And broken. I can’t smile about anything. I feel like I don’t even want to breathe, but my body makes me.

Pray for me? Think happy thoughts for me? Something, anything. Just…. I don’t know. I want to say “whatever, fuck it, I just need to move on” but I can’t, I don’t know how. I don’t even know how to get this stuff out of my head, off my mind. I just keep seeing it over and over and over.

Anyway … there it is. I wasn’t planning on really getting into it, but I guess I did - someone will probably say “it’s good for you get it out”… just so you know. Thank you for taking the time to read this (if anyone does) and I hope you have a good rest of your day.

p.s. Unless you are Mr. Man, please don't call or text me today. I probably won't answer, I just really don't want to talk about it. I just want to go pick up Da Boy from school and hug him forever until I stop feeling like this. Also, If this IS Mr. Man reading this, I'll call you when we get home, but can we please not talk about this part? Thanks and I love you soooo much. I miss you and I wish you could come home. I'll be waiting for you when you get off work.


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