New Miranda-ized Dictionary

sigh

1. A deep and prolonged audible inspiration or respiration of air, as when fatigued, frustrated, grieved, or relieved; the act of sighing.

grr

1. A growl of anger or disappointment.

pfft

1. Used to signify sarcasm or disagreement

I have spent the last several days in a state of "sigh,grr,pfft" After realizing this, I started noticing that not only was I feeling "sigh,grr,pfft"... but I was renaming things because of it.

1. Maxi Pad - now renamed "Comfort Sucker" because, well, that's what it does.

2. Tampon - renamed "Comfort sucker on a stick" see #1

3. Wrist Brace - renamed  "stupid, friggin 2 by 4 strapped to my arm" no explanation needed.

4. Coffee - renamed "Life giving substance" (see don't these words just make more sense? I mean really... what does coffee actually mean?)

5. Our youngest cat Sora - renamed "ass-hat-cat" see pictures below

(Sora in our overhead kitchen light fixture)

6. Our older cat Adso - renamed "Mommy man-cat"  see pics below

 (Adso, grooming and protecting Sora while he slept on their "blankie")

 

7. Dollar Tree - now renamed "Cheap Man's Mecca" and a place I could spend my entire paycheck in one run.

8. Our 2 year old goldfish 'Memo' (yes I know it's Nemo, but Josh will fight you on that for hours) has been renamed "Dead Fish Swimming" due to the fact that he will.not.die. Seriously. The only time I clean his tank is when I literally cannot see him anymore.

(Note the green algae and stagnant water,
I think he actually likes it better this way)

9. Tolkien's 'Silmarillion' - now renamed "book from Middle-Earth Hell" considering I've been trying to read it for about 2 months now, and I'm not done yet. (It's never taken me 3 weeks to read a book before. Well, except the Bible)

10. Facebook - renamed "that place I HATE because my farm won't load and everybody else's facebook has updated but not mine and I can't do anything on there and I hate it!"

Sigh.            ......grrrrr.....           Pfft!

Introducing Mama's ABC Soup

Hear Ye hear ye!

a new thing has come up

a new game to be played

brand new and exciting

on my blog to be made!

(yeah shuddup, I've been reading Dr. Seuss)

So! I'm here to announce a new thingy... um, post game?
Whatever you call it dealybop.

Mama's ABC Soup!

Always Blog Creatively

or

Alone Bored & Confused

or

Awesome Blogging Craze!

Whatever you wanna think it stands for - you go with that.  Do what works for you. The point of the thing is to get those creative juices flowing when you get stuck. When you have a day (and I know you have, do or will) where you want to blog, but you can't think of a single effin thing to write about! All you have to do is run on over here, grab the button and start on letter A. Type in a "A" into your Google (or whatever you use for search) and pick something on the list that comes up. Or you could make a list of 'A' words (Alchemy, America, Autism) and pick one of those. Then... blog it Baby! Next time you get stuck, repeat this process using letter B... so on and so forth et cetera et cetera et ecetera (King & I anyone?)

If you finish A- Z, which you won't When you finish the last post, "Z" come back here and let me know - I've got a sweet little surprise for you!

So - let the chaos creativeness begin!!

<a href="http://itsawwightmama.blogspot.com/2010/02/introducing-mamas-abc-soup.html" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Mamas ABC Soup" src="http://i603.photobucket.com/albums/tt119/mirapelo/soup1.jpg" /></a><br />

My weekend in review

This last weekend was a doozy - I'm still reeling from certain aspects of it, and I don't expect that to change anytime soon. A few months ago, we were notified that our senior Pastor would be leaving to start a new church in California, and needless to say, I found the news a bit... stressful. Last Tuesday we were notified that another of our Pastors would be moving on, and that the Saturday service would be a "send off" for him and his wife.So, sick though we've been, Mr. Man, Da Boy and I made it to church. The place was packed! The only time we have that many people on a Saturday is for Easter or Christmas services. After a stirring worship session and a powerful sermon, they brought up the Pastor and his wife. It was explained that they have heard the call of the Lord and will be moving to our newest affiliate church in North Lake Tahoe. Then, like 3/4 of the church stood up and walked to the stage! All of these extra people were from the other church - come to welcome their new Pastor. WOW! I was astonished! What a fantastic gesture! Then they said the name of the church. My eyes got big, my head snapped up, and all of a sudden I couldn't seem to breathe. It just happens to be the church I married my first husband in. It also just happens to be the church Mr. Man's ex-wife and husband go to. You have got to be kidding me. Then, as I looked into the face of our ex-Pastor's wife, I started crying. I don't know her well, we haven't become 'friends' or anything,  but I can't imagine her not being there anymore. She is the one that handed me the sponsor packet for our little girl in Africa. She called me by name when she handed it to me saying "Miranda, this one is for you." At the time, I didn't even know she knew my name. Since then, we've shared a couple of jokes (they are form Texas, I used to live there also) we've talked about Da Boy and potty training, and wished each other a Merry Christmas with a hug. So why was I blubbering like a baby? Because she had tears in her eyes? No ... it's because I'm so absolutely sick of losing people.  They just keep leaving, and it seems that when they do - they never come back. They either pass on to Glory, or move too far to visit, or whatever, but I never see them again and I'm totally fed up with it. There's a reason I like things the way they are. Seems to me when things change, it's not usually for the better. Hhmmmpp.


What? There's more, you ask? Oh, that's just the beginning of my weekend! After church, Chris (who also had tears in his eyes, thank you very much!) offers to take us to one of the casinos for dinner at their cafe. We get there, Da Boy has fallen asleep in the backseat, I carry him in and we sit down. We order our dinners - Chris got a sandwich with green chilies, Da Boy orders a hot dog, and I get a taco salad. We all color Da Boy's menu while we wait (I was going to scan it in for you, but I'm too friggin lazy. Just know that it was awesome) and begin to devour it when the food arrives.  Chris is done first (of course) and as I'm taking my 4th bite of salad his work phone rings. He answers it (because he's on call this week) and I hear "Yeah I'll be there as soon as I can". I look around the table - Chris is done, Da Boy is working on an onion ring and has half of his hot dog left, and I haven't even made a dent in my dinner yet. Ok. So I chase after the waitress and get two to-go boxes and the check. We hightail it out of there and race home. Chris jumps in his work truck and Da Boy and I sit down to finish our dinner. Da Boy asks when Daddy will be home and I say "soon honey, it won't take too long". HA! HA! Friggin HA! That was at 7pm. Da Boy and I played his little bingo game and two rounds of checkers. I gave him a bath and read him a story, I put him to bed at 9:15.  By midnight I was so tired I could barely stand and I'd cleaned everything short of the toilets and the floors. I'd read some of my book, I'd colored in my coloring book (shuddup, I like it) I'd checked my farm on facebook. Da Boy woke up at 12:30 and told me "I can't go to sleep" I put him back in bed where he promptly fell back to sleep. Chris finally made it home at 1:30 in the morning. Sigh.

Sunday (what, you think my weekend was only one day long?) was our "rest up" day. Da Boy woke up around 8am and I got up with him, trying to let Chris sleep a bit. I get Da Boy all settled with cereal and orange slices and Sesame Street, and I grab my coffee and head outside for a cigarette. I put my foot on the one step down to the garage, and fall. Seriously. Somehow as I am falling, I manage to spill all of the coffee in my cup, yet set the thing down softly and upright directly in front of me. I thought my ankle is broken. It's not, thankfully, but it certainly felt like it. I managed to get back up, hobble into the kitchen and call Da Boy to help me. He runs over, helps me out of my hazel-nut drenched sweater, and pulls up my pant leg to see if I am bleeding (I love my little doctor) Since I wasn't, I refill my coffee cup and head (slowly) back outside. By the time I get back in, Chris is up, and I am having trouble walking. My leg is fine, but my back is out. Grrrrr.

We spent the rest of the day, alternating between watching football, napping, and playing games - all with me on the heating pad.

You think Mondays suck? I'll trade you your Monday for my weekend anytime!

What's that smell?

So this morning after Mr. Man left for work, I went into the dining room (where my computer lives) turned on the  light and the computer and then  started to get Da Boy settled in (you know; cereal, Lazy Town on TV, and some milk) so I could check my email, facebook and blog.

Got him all squared away, and as I sat down to get online, I smelled something. Smelled like a hot glue gun.
WTH? So I get up and start wandering around the house, sniffing. Da Boy wants to join the fun, so he gets up and starts following me around, sniffing and meowing (yeah).

We finally end up back in the dining room. It’s stronger here, and I’m starting to get worried. I’ve sniffed all the electrical outlets and light switches. The heater vents and the computer. The fish tank and the coffee pot.  Nothing. Can’t find it. Now I’m getting frustrated, and he is getting upset that I don’t wanna play kitty with him. What do I do? I call Mr. Man. (afterall - that's what he's there for, right?)

MM: Hey babe what’s up?
Me: I smell something.
MM:  something like what?
Me: like a hot glue gun, like burning plastic. Seems like it’s centered in the dining room.
MM: Check the Jeep (our dining room door leads to the garage)
Me: I did, it’s not in the garage at all. (I’m still wandering around the dining room, sniffing as I talk)
MM: Burning plastic… did you check the computer?
Me: Yes, it’s not coming from there… it seems to be up high.

I look up. The only thing up there is the light.

Me: Uh oh.
MM: What? Did you find it?
Me: Uh huh, I think so. (I climb up on a chair and look closely at the light. The smell is really strong now)
MM: What is it?
Me: *sigh* Oh no… it’s the light…(I see smoke coming from one of the bulbs)  Wait, hold on, what IS that? I think… ( I get off the chair, go to the other side of the table and get up on that chair) Oh boy… CHILD!!
MM: What’s going on, what did you find???
Me: Son, where is your orange plane?
Da Boy: Up dere. (He points at the light)
Me: (to chris) Josh shot his plane up into the light and it’s melted to the bulb.
MM: Oh. I see. Well at least you found it.

Oh yeah, I found it alright….

Candy Canes are made by Satan.

Yesterday, 4pm. I check on Da Boy who was playing in his room, now he's asleep. Greeeaat. We are supposed to be going to get pizza at 4:45 so that we can have it at home when Mr. Man gets there from work at 5pm. I wake DB at 4:30 and tell him "You can wear your jammies, but we gotta get your boots on so we can go get pizza." I carry him into the dining room and start working on his boots. They don't want to go on, with his footed jammies, but we finally get it done. I stand up and he says "Mommy, I wan Anny Ain!"(candy cane) I say "Alright here, you can have the rest of the one you started earlier (the crook part)" I hand it to him and he looks at me like I'm nuts. I think Oh boy, what now? Oh please don't, we gotta go! He gets that look - you know the one, where his eyes get all big and he slowly starts to pout? Yeah.... sigh. "What's wrong, hunny? That's your candy cane. Here let me unwrap it for you and lets go.

It's now 4:38.

"I don wan dis one, mom I wan udder part." He says trying to hand it back.
"Son, just take that part, it's the half you didn't eat yet, you don't need another one, eat that one. Let's go" I pick him up and start carrying him to the car. I actually got him inside the back seat and half way into his car-seat before he freaked out. He starts crying and screaming "Anny Ain" and "NO" at me and wriggling, struggling, trying to get out of his seat, as I'm trying to fasten his 5 point harness. I get one arm in, he slips it out when I start on the other arm. He goes 'stiff as a board' on me and I can't do anything. He's crying, I'm red in the face and still saying "No son, get in your seat, let me buckle you in, you are hurting yourself STOP!" to no avail. Finally, I just gave up. I looked at him and let me just say for the record... I could have really really lost it. I let him go, and closed the door with him in the car. I went back into the house and got the stupid friggin candy cane. I bring it back and unwrap it, and go to hand it to him and he's sitting there, pretty as a picture in his seat, tear streaked with snot sliding down his face. "Ank you Mommy". I told him "Yeah you'd better say thank you because that's the last candy cane you're ever gonna see you got that?" "Awwight, Mama, dat's awwight."

Sigh. So now I'm crying, he's fine and it's 4:56. Tried to call Chris on the phone, but couldn't get him, so I try to leave and realize I don't have the stupid garage door clicker. I pull out of the garage, turn off the car, take the keys inside and close the garage door. Walk through the house, go out the front and now I can't get the door to lock, the key won't turn. AAAAHHHRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG! Seriously?!? Really?!? FINE. Back to the car, he is just going at his candy cane and talking to himself like everythings perfect and I'm now the one having the meltdown. I start driving down out street, it's snowing like hell and I can barely see anything.

5:06pm We finally get to the pizza place, get the pizza. DB says "Can I get a ball?" (he always gets a bouncy ball there) and I say "Not on your life kid" and the pizza lady looks at me. I smile. She looks down and raises her eyebrows.  I take a deep breath, pay for the pizza, grab it and DB's hand and get the hell out of there. As we drove back, the snow stopped and by the time we pulled into the driveway Chris is there. He says "You could have waited, we could have all gone together."

Have you ever heard the sound of your own head imploding? I have, happened last night.