Mirapelo Art

So, I've finally opened up shop on Etsy. I'm both thrilled and terrified by the prospect of complete strangers seeing my artwork, but it's what I feel is the best way to begin this part of the Journey.

I seriously don't know what I'm doing; the painting, the shop, all of it - I'm going in blind, but I'm not alone. I'm backed up by my Father, supported on both sides by my husband and son, and cheered for on the sidelines by my friends. Now, if only I could scavenge a bit of confidence in myself...

Chariots of Fire

16 “Don’t be afraid!” Elisha told him. “For there are more on our side than on theirs!” 17 Then Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes and let him see!” The Lord opened the young man’s eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire.
2 Kings 6:16-17

I've been struggling hard for the last week to remember this passage. It seems like the Enemy has been gunning for me lately, and I feel my defenses being routed. I keep falling into his traps and pitfalls, and it's getting harder and harder to get back up and doggedly march on. I worry all the time; about my body, money (or lack thereof), my family, my husband's job, my church, my friends, my relationship with God... everything. I don't really have cause to worry so much about these things, considering most of them are fine and will take care of themselves. But I can't help it. I lay awake at night praying, asking God for some kind of sign, maybe a letter in the mail saying "Relax, daughter, I really do have everything in hand." Or even just a text, you know - "I got dis 4U no worryz k?" I mean really, would it be so hard for Him to make those chariots visible to me once in awhile? I know they are there - I know that He's got my back in this fight. I wish I could just get out of this funk - I feel like I'm in the middle of a bad dream and can't wake up.

The problem with the whole thing is this - there's absolutely NO reason for me to feel this way! My life is really super good right now! I have an amazing husband, a fantastic son, and a wonderful home to live in! I've been blessed with friends that really care for me and for whom I care deeply. A church family that has brought me to Christ and taught me that no one need ever feel alone. How can I even think of feeling depressed?! I don't know, but somehow I still do. I find myself getting angry, frustrated and anxious for no apparent reasons, quite a bit more frequently than is called for. It seems I can't avoid it, or control it. I try to pray it away and end up just mentally listing all the reasons I feel unloved, ignored, angry or slighted. Then I get mad at myself for complaining (because I know my complaints are unfounded) and start the cycle over again.

So where are my Chariots of Fire? God's army backing me up against the enemy? I know they are there... I just wish God would open my eyes to them.

Faith in God & Coffee

Looks like the Blog Fairy dropped by! With a brand new blog design and name I just wanted to let y'all know... it's still me. It's still Miranda... just, uh, updated. I realized this has become more than just a Mommy Blog. It's a me blog. I talk about everything here, not just being a mom, and that's ok. God bless all you strict Mommy Bloggers out there - I love you and your dedication. But I'm too ... what's the word...everywhere for that.  I get stressed out trying to think of the same old things to post about. 

So - welcome! I hope you'll stick around. Ya never know... ya just might learn something ;)

~Miranda

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

I have spent the last several days doing just that. Or rather, trying to do just that. I've been anxious, and scared, and unable to make simple decisions for the last week. So, once I figured out that I was being attacked by the Enemy, I've been battling those feelings, and turning to my Life Manual for help. I found it in two places. The scripture above has been a mantra for me throughout these last few months, but I've also been directed (by friends, the Christian radio station I listen to, and Pastor Bill's sermons) to Jeremiah for inspiration, comfort and support from my Father. 

Jeremiah 29:11-15

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 31:3-4

 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying:
       "I have loved you with an everlasting love;
       I have drawn you with loving-kindness.

  I will build you up again
       and you will be rebuilt, O Virgin Israel.
       Again you will take up your tambourines
       and go out to dance with the joyful."

I am scheduled to have my first epidural shot today. This is supposed to help relieve the pain so that I am able to do physical therapy and strengthen my core and back so that the next time it starts hurting it may not be as bad. I've been really stressing about this procedure,  but I know that God wants me to do it, and that it will help. I also know that many people are praying for me. I wish there was a way I could say "Thank You" enough for everything that my friends have done for me... but I don't know how. The only way I can, is to do my best to get better.

Childlike Love

What is it about little kids that makes us melt? Is it their cherubic cheeks? Their messy hair that they think looks "coooool"? How about the way they run while wearing footed Buzz Lightyear pajamas? Absolutely! Those things really get me with Da Boy, but sometimes it's the things he says and they way he says them that really melt me.

We have a rule in our house... we pray before we eat. No matter where we are or who is around, we pray. We also have a fun way to do it - whoever sits down at the table first, says the prayer (or starts it). Da Boy makes sure he's always the first. How cool is that? Anyways... so here we are, sitting at the table, with the sweet smell of Salisbury steak wafting from our plates and I ask "Who gets to say our prayer for dinner tonight?" He smiles and says "I sat down first!" Here is the prayer that my son said last night:

Dear God,
I love you and I love you and I love you, and I want you to come out of my heart and come down here and love on me. 

Wow. I was blown away. I honestly could not have put it better myself. How apt, how simple, how genuine. Yes, that's what I want!! Not only do I want that, I want to be able to talk to God like that. I asked Da Boy (after he was done with his prayer and we were on our way to the church) "How did you learn to pray like that, you sounded like you were just talking to your Daddy." His answer? "I did, God is our Daddy. He's in our heart and in Heaven."

My Prayer for today:

Father God, let me love you like a child loves his Daddy; honestly, openly, without hesitation or reserve. Teach me to be childlike in my worship to you. I know that I'm not "deserving" and I know that that doesn't matter to you. Teach me to fall into your arms and know you'll catch me. I love you, I love you, I love you. Come down here and love on me. Amen

LOLCat Bible?!

Can they be serious?1 Oh yes they can.... (found this on Wikipedia, no jokez, kthxbai)  For those of you that aren't familiar with reading lolzcat - everything is phonetics and it actually does make sense, if you read it out loud :)

Lolcat Bible - Genesis Chapter 1

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.
2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.
3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1
6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.
9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.
11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.
14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.
20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.
24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.
26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.
27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.
28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.
29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.
31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

 

  

  

You think you've seen it all? I thought so too, until I found Psalms in LOLcat too... *headdesk*

 

Post It Note Tuesday!

 

 

 

 

Heavy Hearted

So many things I've wanted to blog about here in the last few weeks. None of which I have. Lack of time, motivation, and believing that anyone could possibly understand. So, I'm gonna put them all here, right now and let it go. I can't hold it all in anymore, I just can't. So, I'm giving it to you, God, and whoever else ends up reading this drivel.

I'll start with Josh, since he's been on my mind so much lately. My son's 4th birthday was on October 10th. He was with his Dad. Again. The last time I saw him on his birthday was his FIRST birthday. I hate this. I hate the fact that I can't see him whenever I want, that he even has to go away from me. I don't want to share him - he's MY son!! I feel like a little kid saying "It isn't fair!" But damnit - it isn't.
My feelings: sad, lonely, selfish, angry, depressed.
Sum it up: I feel like a bad mom.


Next let's move on to the fact that I'm STILL not pregnant. I don't know if it's me, Chris, or God - but this is getting redundant. I'm ready to give up - completely. We can't get pregnant.... I don't want to do the IVF, I don't want to adopt. I want my husband to get me pregnant so that I can give birth to OUR child. I'm desperately sick of hearing that "so and so is pregnant and they weren't even trying!" Yeah, great, wonderful. I don't want to go anywhere anymore, because whenever and wherever we go - I see nothing but pregnant women and teeny brand new babies.

Now let's head on over to my blank prayer journal.  At church we started the "40 days of Prayer" series. Now mind you, I've been praying daily since we started going to church, and I'm actually kinda proud of myself for how well I'd been doing with it. After the first installment of the series, I went home and created my very own 'prayer journal'. I was like "Oh yeah! Go me! This is gonna be awesome!!" Yeeeaaaah. I wrote in it once. TWO WEEKS LATER. Seriously. What kind of a loser AM I? *sigh* I'm still praying, but the writing bit? Just can't seem to pull it off. I don't know why - I love writing (not that you'd have noticed, right?) but for some reason, I just can't get myself in gear to write my prayers down to God.

Day of Firsts

Today is the first day...

of my new job

of having a 100% non-smoking house (inside)

of our 2 weeks with Da Boy

of my step-daughter being 19

of me wearing my new jeans that I bought for work

of the rest of my life.

See, I realized something today - there are a lot of firsts everyday. Not just today... but yesterday, and tomorrow too. I've also realized that no matter how different from everyone else I feel - I'm not really all that different. Today I found a blog by one of my friends. (I call her a friend, yet I've no idea how she feels about me) Anyway, I found her blog. I started reading it, and noticed that, even though I felt like she was superior to me in any number of ways... she's not perfect. She's got her own set of problems and issues and questions - some of which I've been through myself!! So, needless to say, I started thinking, and praying. Then I came across an email from a friend. One of those "forwards" that everyone gets, with a list of ways to live your life and be happy. Here it is...

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone...

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles and celebrate  Don't save it for a special occasion.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old is part of living.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


Makes a bit of sense doesn't it? So, big "thank yous" go out to God, for the rapid response on my childish behavior, to my un-named "friend" for showing me that not only are you 'not' perfect, but that you're still great and so am I. ;) And also to my BFF Loue - for interrupting this journal entry with two, yes TWO Kermit the Frog (Gorf?) youtube videos. I love you, sis.